Collateral Damage

In the wake of arguably one of the biggest storms (for us) in over 20 years, people ask questions. Why did this happen? Where was God when this storm came? What was He doing, doesn't He love us? And while we watch the newscasts in terror, realizing the lives lost, we wonder.

If you're like me, my stomach clenches and turns when I hear about the lives lost... the children they're pulling out of the ditches in Ringgold, the death toll steadily rising... And something inside of me screams out "NO! This isn't RIGHT!"


I think its important to acknowledge a few things...

First off - What happens in the wake of a tragedy is beautiful. I have had my phone lighting up all day. People I haven't heard from in years (literally) called me, texted or Facebooked this morning to check and see how I was. I found myself doing the same - calling people in the area to check on them, make sure they were all right. People reach out beyond themselves and compassion shows up in a big way. They give, they volunteer, they open shelters and provide food -- they take care of people who need it. People stop being so selfish and - for a day or so - honestly inquire about the needs and well being of others.

Secondly - We thank God it missed us. Or, we thank God for the help that's been given since it hit us. Whatever. We acknowledge the One who is in control. We accept that Someone bigger than us is at work in the universe. Things like this serve me with a wake up call. "Hello? Do you realize you were 5 miles down the road from the worst of it?" "Wow, God, you're awesome. Thanks for protecting us!"

So - The question at hand is "Does God love you?"

The pre-programed answer is "yes, of course." We're taught that as small as we can learn to sing the song "yes, Jesus loves me." But let me ask you - Do you REALLY believe that God loves you? Is it past your brain and down in your gut?

If the answer to that is yes, you already know what God is doing, or at least that what He's doing is good. That doesn't mean its easy or makes sense, it just means that you know.

If you can't answer that... Honestly? that's okay. It takes time to really know what you believe about God. When I was 16 - even after I'd been raised in the church my whole life and had firmly rooted belief about God - I found myself realizing that God was not who I thought He was. I'd been taught that God is judgmental since He is perfect and can't bear sin. And basically that Jesus saved the day and saved us from eternal damnation that the Father was going to put on us. And while, more or less, some of that is true I entirely missed the real nature of God. God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - loves you. God wants the best for you. And in spite of what anyone says (ex: this is punishment for your sin, this is what you deserve, whatever) God doesn't want death and pain for us.


In line with my belief about God and what I know of His personality, I attest that God did not cause the tornadoes, but rather, allowed them to happen in order to let His good come out of all of it. But let me ask you -- if God did cause the tornadoes, do you really believe anything changes? Does God not love you because he uses natural disasters to change things? This is a good opportunity to really examine yourself and ask yourself -- Does God really love me?

Recovering

what is it about pain that draws people together, that brings us to relating to one another? At a business lunch today, as my boss spoke about living in a different country from his spouse while their kids were attending school, it became apparent that it was somewhat difficult for him. Its not that he was being overly transparent - it was just a fact - he missed his wife. And as he shared, our business client responded that he knew how hard that could be because he lived on the west coast for 6 months while his wife was over here.

Something inside of us calls out to one another to be understood. We want to know we aren't the only ones. That we aren't alone in our feeling or our pain.

How easy it is to forget that Jesus felt all of our pains! the bible is so clear about how Jesus was completely human.

And yet even as I type that theres something inside that checks me and says "well Jesus never experienced such and such -- how could he know your pain?" And typing it all out for the world to see, its so much easier to call that a lie of the devil, but when its in your own mind it isn't that easy. So Jesus wasn't anorexic, an alcoholic, or suicidal. He wasn't addicted to crack, he wasn't alot of things according to what we know of him. And somehow he took on the weight of the world and experienced all of it in a supernatural way.

I believe that's why we have the church today. Somehow I think God knew that we wouldn't believe that Jesus felt all that we feel. And somehow I think He knew that wouldn't be enough to just write it in a book for those of us thousands of years later. We want to relate. And so he gives us other people to relate to and share our experiences with, if we'll be vulnerable enough to do it. I don't think He's angry over that, either, God is intelligent enough to acknowledge our shortcomings and compensate.

Will you be brave enough to share your pains with someone so you can bond and grow? You can't recover from some illnesses until you tell the doctor that you're sick. In the same way, you can't recover from pain until you tell someone what happened to you and why it hurts you.

Survival Instinct

Pain is much like childbirth. Now, my experiences with childbirth have all been natural, so I'm not really sure what its like when you have medication. Anyway,

When you are in labor, the point right before you are allowed to start pushing is the most painful that labor gets. The combination of pressure and pain is overwhelming. Your body takes over and you have to let your mind and emotions slip back into a coma-like state for a short period just to make it through. You fully believe you are going to die, that something's gone wrong, that you are never going to deliver this baby -- because it hurts so much. And your body kicks in and pushes your brain back and focuses your energy on bringing that baby into the world. There is something that changes in a woman during that much pain -- its hard to describe as anything other than a survival instinct. Basically, your body knows that to live it has to deliver this baby. And if you don't, you and that baby will possibly die. And it takes over and does what it needs to do.

A similar picture would be instances in movies that are repeated by action films and dramas alike. There is a point that you fully believe that the hero is going to die. He's taken a few gunshots, he is bleeding profusely, he can hardly stand and he's holding his guts in with his free hand. The hero slides across the floor as the villan laughs, about to kill his (best friend, daughter, wife, whatever) and the camera angle shifts and suddenly you see that hero stand up and shoot the villan. The villan dies and the hero falls over and passes out from the sheer effort. Its a survival instinct - its that thing inside you that says "if I don't do this, we're all gonna die." It surpasses your pain and your ability and taps into a hidden reserve just long enough to get it done.

Pain is something we all face. Alot of situations get worse and worse until we just can't stand it anymore and we're doing all we can do to get up in the morning and remember to take a shower or feed the dog before we leave for work. Things slip - you forget to haul off the trash, you forget to pay the bills, you don't have the energy to mow the lawn - but you're doing your absolute best because life is so much, so painful, that you've tapped into that hidden reserve to make it through until things get better. You're surviving.

God gave us that hidden reserve and that ability to distance ourselves as a protective mechanism from occasional things that happen that really are just too much. But many times we stay in survival mode and we never step back into the fullness that life is meant to be. You make plenty of money at your new job but you're still always stressed out that last few days before payday. You're out of that bad relationship but it still frightens you when you pass a car like the one he drives. You are stuck surviving because that's what you've been doing for so long. You go to church on Sunday morning and pray for Christ to return soon because you don't know how much longer you can take all this corruption in the school system.

God wants us to remember that life isn't about surviving. We are warriors. And sometimes, warriors survive. But warriors that only survive aren't called warriors -- they're called survivors. Warriors go out against the battle and fight back. So your financial life is upside down - actively look for a resolution, don't lie down and cry about it. Your out of a bad relationship - good! Move on! You hate the teacher that told your child God was a myth for old fogies -- tell them that you don't want them instilling those teachings in your child and change teachers or schools if needbe!

Don't just survive -- Go out there and take back our territory!

Past Pain

Every now and then something pops to the surface from deep within and you step back and say "wow. I didn't realize that still hurt so much." Tonight I had one of those instances.

My parents didn't like my choice of a husband and did everything in their influence and power to prevent our marriage down to the day of the wedding. It was a nasty fight for a while which even caused my relationship with my parents to be completely non-existent for a solid 4 months post-wedding. When my brother got married (4 years after Brent and I) to a wonderful woman whom we all love, my parents made a big to-do over giving their blessing to the happy couple. And in the process realized they'd never given their verbal blessing to our marriage and gave it over dinner the night before my brother's rehearsal dinner.

Tonight as I chatted with my sister in law about various things, this rose to the surface, rearing its ugly head as un-resolved hurts. How could they be so mean as to never give us their blessing until they felt bad about it? How could they be that disappointed in someone who makes me so happy? What's the deal with that? And although they've apologized for it taking so long, I still have some healing to do.

Its like this cut that I have on my arm. I bumped into the corner of a desk and scraped a pretty deep little cut into my forearm. Now initially, it hurt and I put a bandage over it to protect myself. Over time it healed up some, but there was a scab on it that (at some point) got ripped off by brushing into something. While the scab needs to come off eventually for the healing to finish, that can really hurt.

Sometimes when God is helping you heal from something, it hurts. Sometimes you don't even realize you haven't finished healing until you have that scab removed and you suddenly hurt again.

And then, after the pain subsides some, theres a scar.

Because lets face it. Just because its not bleeding, and just because the pain is a faint memory down the road of life doesn't mean it didn't happen. You still see that scar from time to time and remember the way you got it and do your best to avoid the situation in future.

For instance, when I was 15 (I'm 24 now) I went surfing with some friends. I hadn't been surfing in this strip of beach before and the undertow (current) was very strong that day. A big gush of wind came and we were swept down the beach and into the pier. Now, at home the piers are big and tall, built on top of huge pillars. Down in the water the pillars are covered with oysters and clams and other shelled creatures. In the midst of trying to get to shore and staying above water and not drowning, my legs were cut to pieces on the shells attached to these pillars. To this day I still have the scars on the backs of my knees.

That was a long time ago. My legs healed up and I went back to life 9 years ago. But today I still remember who I was with, what I was wearing, and where we were.

Just because we are called to forgive those who do wrong against us doesn't mean we are expected to forget what happened. When someone wrongs you, don't hold it over their heads and hate them forever, but be intelligent about it. I think people mis-understand what Jesus meant when he said to turn the other cheek and to pray for those who persecute you. He didn't say to forget that they slapped you. He just says to love them anyway.