Learning

This morning, in worship, I held Judah, my youngest son (now 16 months) as I sang and danced. In the midst of enjoying the service, I noticed that he was enjoying the service too -- his precious little voice lala-ing along with the music, waving a flag and bestowing slobbery kisses (he is just learning how to kiss) onto my cheeks and face.

As I loved on him and he loved on me, I smiled thinking about how precious his childhood was. He didn't know how to sing, how to dance, or how to kiss -- but there he was singing, dancing and kissing his heart out.

God spoke to me and said that we are like my son, and God is our parent. This analogy is used all the time, but it wasn't how we usually think. Today, God pointed out to me how inexperienced we are, how naive, how we don't know how to do things. And God, our Father, thinks our childhood is precious.

I remember learning how to dance when I was 17. I was raised in a church that didn't clap, raise their hands, and NEVER moved into the isle (unless they were discreetly walking out of the service for some reason or another). Through a long course of changes in my life and walk with God, He has taught me how to dance and be free in worship. But the first time I consciously had to make the effort to be free and dance was tough. It wasn't the first time I'd ever danced - there had been a time before that when I was anointed and pretty well overtaken by what God was doing (like being slain in the Spirit I guess, but backwards because I was moving.... anyway). But the first time I had to stand up and make myself start dancing was really tough. I over thought it, I wanted to make sure I was doing it right, I was so worried that God (and everyone else) would think I was an idiot. And somehow, 7 years later, its as natural as breathing. God moves, and I move with Him. Its normal.

Its things like this that I am talking about. Dancing, kissing, walking, singing - these things are things we learn how to do. Some of us are better than others at certain things - but we all had to learn how to do what we do. And God rejoices in the process of watching us learn how to do what we do.

There will be things that you learn to do (and have already learned to do) that don't come naturally, but they are things we learn to do, want to do, need to do to have a fulfilling relationship with God. And in the process of learning how to do them, remember that God rejoices in the process and loves on you as you learn how to love on Him.

Do it Yourself

I have always considered myself as a pretty big "do it yourself" type. I (try) to do my own yardwork, I do my own cleaning, Brent and I install or fix our own appliances, I assemble my own new furniture, etc. In my years of assembling/fixing/repairing/etc I have discovered the importance of having the right tools to use in the process.

Example: Today, I am assembling a new desk and rolling wooden file cabinet that belongs beneath it. Now, it is entirely possible and I am doing just fine with my old school screwdriver but as I pour sweat and elbow grease into this project, it keeps recurring in my mind how I wish I had a power drill with a magnetic tip so I could just stick the screws to the tip and drive them right into the wood.

Also, a few months ago I installed a new bolt lock on my front door. Living in a manufactured home, I am aware of the shortcuts the carpenters used in the process of making my home. One such frustrating shortcut is that my door frame isn't built for the regular bolt lock, it had a cheap one used only for trailers and manufactured homes installed. So, to put in a new one I had to carve out the appropriate amount of my door frame to get the one I bought at Lowes to fit. I did it with a flathead screwdriver and a hammer, chiseling a bit at a time until I had a rough fit. Would a jigsaw been a better tool? Absolutely.

The point that I'm getting at is that we can live our lives and do whatever it is that we need to do to accomplish that which God has in store for us. However, fulfilling your destiny and living to fullness is MUCH easier with the right tools. Surrounding yourselves with a church body, having friends to keep you accountable, and evenly-yoked spouse (someone walking the same walk, the same direction that you are - not just a Christian), proper environments, etc -- all these things are not required for fulfilling your destiny but let me assure you they will make it EASIER.

I think that is the point of the law in the Old Testament, and the guidelines in the New Testament for Christians. Now, following the death and ressurection of Christ, living according to these guidelines isn't a must-- its not a do or die necessity - but using the right tools, following the right lifestyle, will make fulfilling your destiny much easier. Its simple - if you want to be productive (and do what you were made to do) things like being drunk, sleeping around, etc, will only make being what you're made to be more difficult.

Its not that you can't use a regular screwdriver to put together that desk, it just will be harder and more time consuming that way.

Justice

Jesus came to free us from the law. He gave us 2 commands, and only 2. Love God, love men. The end. And somehow, we come up with all kinds of other things to go along with it; don't smoke, don't drink, don't sleep around, don't do drugs, don't cuss, etc. And I feel God screaming at us "THAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER!!"

The thing is that God came to show us He loves us enough to do away with the rules. God loves us enough to send Jesus to die to make the rules not apply to us. And He gives us ideas, guidelines - things to make our lives a little bit easier, but its not a new law - they aren't rules. We get so caught up in our own ideas of Good and Evil that we want to label everything as one or the other. We are so uncomfortable with "gray areas". We so are American (justice for all) that we get caught up in the ideas of fair and equality and we miss the point.

Fact is, God isn't fair. Some of us are called to die martyrs. Some of us are called to live dirt poor. Some of us are called to live as widows, childless or orphans. And you know what? That isn't fair at all. But God isn't about fair. He's about your best interest - the best thing for you and how to bring you to your full potential. Jesus' death was about doing away with the law - and therefore the rules and justice. So its not about being fair anymore - thank God!!! Fairness is getting what you deserve. I deserve a bunch of BAD stuff and so do you!

So next time you look at someone and say "that's wrong" or "that's right" stop and think about it. God loves them regardless of what they are doing. And thank God He loves you regardless of what you do. Its not our place to pass judgement on whats right or wrong. Its not always sin that brings death, its our own minds that decide on our own whats good or bad. Its time we stopped making up our own laws to replace the one God did away with. Its time to start living in the new kingdom, in the new fullness of life and stop worrying about right/wrong, fair/unfair, just/unjust.

Collateral Damage

In the wake of arguably one of the biggest storms (for us) in over 20 years, people ask questions. Why did this happen? Where was God when this storm came? What was He doing, doesn't He love us? And while we watch the newscasts in terror, realizing the lives lost, we wonder.

If you're like me, my stomach clenches and turns when I hear about the lives lost... the children they're pulling out of the ditches in Ringgold, the death toll steadily rising... And something inside of me screams out "NO! This isn't RIGHT!"


I think its important to acknowledge a few things...

First off - What happens in the wake of a tragedy is beautiful. I have had my phone lighting up all day. People I haven't heard from in years (literally) called me, texted or Facebooked this morning to check and see how I was. I found myself doing the same - calling people in the area to check on them, make sure they were all right. People reach out beyond themselves and compassion shows up in a big way. They give, they volunteer, they open shelters and provide food -- they take care of people who need it. People stop being so selfish and - for a day or so - honestly inquire about the needs and well being of others.

Secondly - We thank God it missed us. Or, we thank God for the help that's been given since it hit us. Whatever. We acknowledge the One who is in control. We accept that Someone bigger than us is at work in the universe. Things like this serve me with a wake up call. "Hello? Do you realize you were 5 miles down the road from the worst of it?" "Wow, God, you're awesome. Thanks for protecting us!"

So - The question at hand is "Does God love you?"

The pre-programed answer is "yes, of course." We're taught that as small as we can learn to sing the song "yes, Jesus loves me." But let me ask you - Do you REALLY believe that God loves you? Is it past your brain and down in your gut?

If the answer to that is yes, you already know what God is doing, or at least that what He's doing is good. That doesn't mean its easy or makes sense, it just means that you know.

If you can't answer that... Honestly? that's okay. It takes time to really know what you believe about God. When I was 16 - even after I'd been raised in the church my whole life and had firmly rooted belief about God - I found myself realizing that God was not who I thought He was. I'd been taught that God is judgmental since He is perfect and can't bear sin. And basically that Jesus saved the day and saved us from eternal damnation that the Father was going to put on us. And while, more or less, some of that is true I entirely missed the real nature of God. God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - loves you. God wants the best for you. And in spite of what anyone says (ex: this is punishment for your sin, this is what you deserve, whatever) God doesn't want death and pain for us.


In line with my belief about God and what I know of His personality, I attest that God did not cause the tornadoes, but rather, allowed them to happen in order to let His good come out of all of it. But let me ask you -- if God did cause the tornadoes, do you really believe anything changes? Does God not love you because he uses natural disasters to change things? This is a good opportunity to really examine yourself and ask yourself -- Does God really love me?

Recovering

what is it about pain that draws people together, that brings us to relating to one another? At a business lunch today, as my boss spoke about living in a different country from his spouse while their kids were attending school, it became apparent that it was somewhat difficult for him. Its not that he was being overly transparent - it was just a fact - he missed his wife. And as he shared, our business client responded that he knew how hard that could be because he lived on the west coast for 6 months while his wife was over here.

Something inside of us calls out to one another to be understood. We want to know we aren't the only ones. That we aren't alone in our feeling or our pain.

How easy it is to forget that Jesus felt all of our pains! the bible is so clear about how Jesus was completely human.

And yet even as I type that theres something inside that checks me and says "well Jesus never experienced such and such -- how could he know your pain?" And typing it all out for the world to see, its so much easier to call that a lie of the devil, but when its in your own mind it isn't that easy. So Jesus wasn't anorexic, an alcoholic, or suicidal. He wasn't addicted to crack, he wasn't alot of things according to what we know of him. And somehow he took on the weight of the world and experienced all of it in a supernatural way.

I believe that's why we have the church today. Somehow I think God knew that we wouldn't believe that Jesus felt all that we feel. And somehow I think He knew that wouldn't be enough to just write it in a book for those of us thousands of years later. We want to relate. And so he gives us other people to relate to and share our experiences with, if we'll be vulnerable enough to do it. I don't think He's angry over that, either, God is intelligent enough to acknowledge our shortcomings and compensate.

Will you be brave enough to share your pains with someone so you can bond and grow? You can't recover from some illnesses until you tell the doctor that you're sick. In the same way, you can't recover from pain until you tell someone what happened to you and why it hurts you.

Survival Instinct

Pain is much like childbirth. Now, my experiences with childbirth have all been natural, so I'm not really sure what its like when you have medication. Anyway,

When you are in labor, the point right before you are allowed to start pushing is the most painful that labor gets. The combination of pressure and pain is overwhelming. Your body takes over and you have to let your mind and emotions slip back into a coma-like state for a short period just to make it through. You fully believe you are going to die, that something's gone wrong, that you are never going to deliver this baby -- because it hurts so much. And your body kicks in and pushes your brain back and focuses your energy on bringing that baby into the world. There is something that changes in a woman during that much pain -- its hard to describe as anything other than a survival instinct. Basically, your body knows that to live it has to deliver this baby. And if you don't, you and that baby will possibly die. And it takes over and does what it needs to do.

A similar picture would be instances in movies that are repeated by action films and dramas alike. There is a point that you fully believe that the hero is going to die. He's taken a few gunshots, he is bleeding profusely, he can hardly stand and he's holding his guts in with his free hand. The hero slides across the floor as the villan laughs, about to kill his (best friend, daughter, wife, whatever) and the camera angle shifts and suddenly you see that hero stand up and shoot the villan. The villan dies and the hero falls over and passes out from the sheer effort. Its a survival instinct - its that thing inside you that says "if I don't do this, we're all gonna die." It surpasses your pain and your ability and taps into a hidden reserve just long enough to get it done.

Pain is something we all face. Alot of situations get worse and worse until we just can't stand it anymore and we're doing all we can do to get up in the morning and remember to take a shower or feed the dog before we leave for work. Things slip - you forget to haul off the trash, you forget to pay the bills, you don't have the energy to mow the lawn - but you're doing your absolute best because life is so much, so painful, that you've tapped into that hidden reserve to make it through until things get better. You're surviving.

God gave us that hidden reserve and that ability to distance ourselves as a protective mechanism from occasional things that happen that really are just too much. But many times we stay in survival mode and we never step back into the fullness that life is meant to be. You make plenty of money at your new job but you're still always stressed out that last few days before payday. You're out of that bad relationship but it still frightens you when you pass a car like the one he drives. You are stuck surviving because that's what you've been doing for so long. You go to church on Sunday morning and pray for Christ to return soon because you don't know how much longer you can take all this corruption in the school system.

God wants us to remember that life isn't about surviving. We are warriors. And sometimes, warriors survive. But warriors that only survive aren't called warriors -- they're called survivors. Warriors go out against the battle and fight back. So your financial life is upside down - actively look for a resolution, don't lie down and cry about it. Your out of a bad relationship - good! Move on! You hate the teacher that told your child God was a myth for old fogies -- tell them that you don't want them instilling those teachings in your child and change teachers or schools if needbe!

Don't just survive -- Go out there and take back our territory!

Past Pain

Every now and then something pops to the surface from deep within and you step back and say "wow. I didn't realize that still hurt so much." Tonight I had one of those instances.

My parents didn't like my choice of a husband and did everything in their influence and power to prevent our marriage down to the day of the wedding. It was a nasty fight for a while which even caused my relationship with my parents to be completely non-existent for a solid 4 months post-wedding. When my brother got married (4 years after Brent and I) to a wonderful woman whom we all love, my parents made a big to-do over giving their blessing to the happy couple. And in the process realized they'd never given their verbal blessing to our marriage and gave it over dinner the night before my brother's rehearsal dinner.

Tonight as I chatted with my sister in law about various things, this rose to the surface, rearing its ugly head as un-resolved hurts. How could they be so mean as to never give us their blessing until they felt bad about it? How could they be that disappointed in someone who makes me so happy? What's the deal with that? And although they've apologized for it taking so long, I still have some healing to do.

Its like this cut that I have on my arm. I bumped into the corner of a desk and scraped a pretty deep little cut into my forearm. Now initially, it hurt and I put a bandage over it to protect myself. Over time it healed up some, but there was a scab on it that (at some point) got ripped off by brushing into something. While the scab needs to come off eventually for the healing to finish, that can really hurt.

Sometimes when God is helping you heal from something, it hurts. Sometimes you don't even realize you haven't finished healing until you have that scab removed and you suddenly hurt again.

And then, after the pain subsides some, theres a scar.

Because lets face it. Just because its not bleeding, and just because the pain is a faint memory down the road of life doesn't mean it didn't happen. You still see that scar from time to time and remember the way you got it and do your best to avoid the situation in future.

For instance, when I was 15 (I'm 24 now) I went surfing with some friends. I hadn't been surfing in this strip of beach before and the undertow (current) was very strong that day. A big gush of wind came and we were swept down the beach and into the pier. Now, at home the piers are big and tall, built on top of huge pillars. Down in the water the pillars are covered with oysters and clams and other shelled creatures. In the midst of trying to get to shore and staying above water and not drowning, my legs were cut to pieces on the shells attached to these pillars. To this day I still have the scars on the backs of my knees.

That was a long time ago. My legs healed up and I went back to life 9 years ago. But today I still remember who I was with, what I was wearing, and where we were.

Just because we are called to forgive those who do wrong against us doesn't mean we are expected to forget what happened. When someone wrongs you, don't hold it over their heads and hate them forever, but be intelligent about it. I think people mis-understand what Jesus meant when he said to turn the other cheek and to pray for those who persecute you. He didn't say to forget that they slapped you. He just says to love them anyway.