This week, the democrats and republicans have been debating a bunch of stuff about the country debt, etc etc. I haven't been too worried about it or too involved, but my boss has. He is purposefully not purchasing things, waiting on lots of things, and holding his breath to see if the world falls apart on August 2nd. About a week ago, he mentioned to me his concerns and I told him I wasn't worried about it. He thought I may be crazy, and after a conversation about how I believed we would be fine, he decided I was, indeed, crazy. But while he considers transferring his money into Euro, I have faith that we will be okay.
Last night, Brent and I walked across the street to see his family. His mother had said they needed to tell us something about Becca. Instantly, worry sets in - Rebecca is Brent's 18 year old sister who has spina bifida and had total kidney failure a bit over a year ago. If they wanted to talk about Becca, it could be serious. As we were walking up the driveway, I asked if he was concerned. Brent said there was no use in getting all upset about what could be happening, or what I imagine they may tell us. It could be good news - she could be getting a kidney. You never know. Then he told me that he doesn't freak about things like I do.
Its funny to me that in some situations its so easy to remain calm and not worried about it - especially because I have no control over it. Something like the national debt is beyond me - even if I donated every penny of my paycheck and didn't feed my children or pay my bills for a year, it wouldn't even take a shot at the problem that exists. But other things, like Rebecca's health that I have equally little control over gets me upset and stressed. Both things have potential to impact me equally in different ways - but one got me worried and the other didn't.
I guess this is why Jesus says not to worry about anything. He doesn't say "don't worry about money" or "don't worry about your health" -- he said don't worry about anything. This is a tough thing to do but it puts things into perspective. Just when I thought I was doing well on the worry things, something close to me pops up and I'm flat on my back. We need to learn to trust Jesus with everything and consider everything in our prayers and supplications, not just the things that bother us. And we need to learn compassion for others in their prayers, to consider things with them and not just brush off their concerns because its not something that worries you.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Discouraged
Sometimes your best isn't good enough. Sometimes you give everything you can, put all your effort and energy into something, and its just not good enough.
For example, I feel this way at my job frequently. I put forth all I can and I am still required to come early, stay late, and work extra because there is more to be done.
Sometimes expectations are just too high. Sometimes your expectations of yourself are too low.
We got a new puppy this week - a boxer/rottweiler mix who's about 6 weeks old. And this puppy knows nothing of me or my personality or how I'm going to treat him but he loves me anyway. He isn't disapointed with my inability to pay for the top dog food brand, he is fine with ol roy, the cheapo Walmart brand. And he doesn't mind that he doesn't have a fancy kennel yet because I know he's going to get big fast - he is okay with his little cardboard box. He is content to sit in my lap and be petted and loved on.
Sometimes I wish I could just curl up and be patted like he does. But being a human, especially and adult, is much harder than being a puppy.
I guess what I'm getting at is that God loves us regardless of what we do or what we can afford. It doesn't matter what we do, it doesn't matter if our best doesn't get the job done - none of that matters to Him. What matters is we try and we love Him.
I wish sometimes people were more like my puppy, and more like God. Its so hard to find unconditional love. Its one of those things that humans simply do not understand. Loving someone regardless of how stupid they are, how many times they screw up, or how they don't live up to your expectations --- that's how God loves you.
For example, I feel this way at my job frequently. I put forth all I can and I am still required to come early, stay late, and work extra because there is more to be done.
Sometimes expectations are just too high. Sometimes your expectations of yourself are too low.
We got a new puppy this week - a boxer/rottweiler mix who's about 6 weeks old. And this puppy knows nothing of me or my personality or how I'm going to treat him but he loves me anyway. He isn't disapointed with my inability to pay for the top dog food brand, he is fine with ol roy, the cheapo Walmart brand. And he doesn't mind that he doesn't have a fancy kennel yet because I know he's going to get big fast - he is okay with his little cardboard box. He is content to sit in my lap and be petted and loved on.
Sometimes I wish I could just curl up and be patted like he does. But being a human, especially and adult, is much harder than being a puppy.
I guess what I'm getting at is that God loves us regardless of what we do or what we can afford. It doesn't matter what we do, it doesn't matter if our best doesn't get the job done - none of that matters to Him. What matters is we try and we love Him.
I wish sometimes people were more like my puppy, and more like God. Its so hard to find unconditional love. Its one of those things that humans simply do not understand. Loving someone regardless of how stupid they are, how many times they screw up, or how they don't live up to your expectations --- that's how God loves you.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Measure of Success
So we poured all our blood sweat and tears into our first show and had not nearly as many people as we'd hoped show up. And its pretty easy to get discouraged after something like that. Brent and I stopped and talked about it some, and its something you have to choose to do or not do -- choose to eat from the tree of life or from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
When we try to measure things and their success by our own knowledge and our own ability to see and comprehend, we just screw things up. Sure, it may not look like we made any progress, we certainly didn't make any money, but is that what God was trying to achieve? Or was He doing something bigger and greater than my finances?
A few details about the show:
1) Before our first performance, the cast stood in the alley and prayed together. As a cast, our beliefs varied a bit, but when Brent and I asked if anyone wanted to come pray with us, everyone came (except Abigail who was manning the front doors).
2) Although not many people physically came to the show, there was alot of support from the community, and alot of contacts were made. People who want to help on the next show, and in anything we do in the future. Writers, crew, directors - people we need to have a successful company.
3) Collectively, as a cast, we agreed that the show had alot standing against it in spiritual realms. We had attack after attack -- having to re-cast 2 major roles 4 weeks from curtain, having difficulty learning lines, stress, sickness, exhaustion, extra work at our jobs, the sudden death of a close friend, etc etc etc. It was terribly discouraging to sit backstage and see only a handful of folks in the audience. But we got out there and gave a fantastic show anyway.
Looking at it all like this helps me understand that God MUST be doing something greater here than we can see. There's no way that Satan would go through all that nonsense if God wasn't planning something big. So this weekend may not have been a success monetarily, but we know that there was a great spiritual breaking in the process of the weekend. And there's no way God would've given us all the help He did if He wasn't fighting for it too.
Eating from the Tree of Life is acknowledging God is doing something bigger than you. It's hard to look at it this way, for sure, but if you can adjust your mindset just a bit, great things are happening under the surface.
When we try to measure things and their success by our own knowledge and our own ability to see and comprehend, we just screw things up. Sure, it may not look like we made any progress, we certainly didn't make any money, but is that what God was trying to achieve? Or was He doing something bigger and greater than my finances?
A few details about the show:
1) Before our first performance, the cast stood in the alley and prayed together. As a cast, our beliefs varied a bit, but when Brent and I asked if anyone wanted to come pray with us, everyone came (except Abigail who was manning the front doors).
2) Although not many people physically came to the show, there was alot of support from the community, and alot of contacts were made. People who want to help on the next show, and in anything we do in the future. Writers, crew, directors - people we need to have a successful company.
3) Collectively, as a cast, we agreed that the show had alot standing against it in spiritual realms. We had attack after attack -- having to re-cast 2 major roles 4 weeks from curtain, having difficulty learning lines, stress, sickness, exhaustion, extra work at our jobs, the sudden death of a close friend, etc etc etc. It was terribly discouraging to sit backstage and see only a handful of folks in the audience. But we got out there and gave a fantastic show anyway.
Looking at it all like this helps me understand that God MUST be doing something greater here than we can see. There's no way that Satan would go through all that nonsense if God wasn't planning something big. So this weekend may not have been a success monetarily, but we know that there was a great spiritual breaking in the process of the weekend. And there's no way God would've given us all the help He did if He wasn't fighting for it too.
Eating from the Tree of Life is acknowledging God is doing something bigger than you. It's hard to look at it this way, for sure, but if you can adjust your mindset just a bit, great things are happening under the surface.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Learning
This morning, in worship, I held Judah, my youngest son (now 16 months) as I sang and danced. In the midst of enjoying the service, I noticed that he was enjoying the service too -- his precious little voice lala-ing along with the music, waving a flag and bestowing slobbery kisses (he is just learning how to kiss) onto my cheeks and face.
As I loved on him and he loved on me, I smiled thinking about how precious his childhood was. He didn't know how to sing, how to dance, or how to kiss -- but there he was singing, dancing and kissing his heart out.
God spoke to me and said that we are like my son, and God is our parent. This analogy is used all the time, but it wasn't how we usually think. Today, God pointed out to me how inexperienced we are, how naive, how we don't know how to do things. And God, our Father, thinks our childhood is precious.
I remember learning how to dance when I was 17. I was raised in a church that didn't clap, raise their hands, and NEVER moved into the isle (unless they were discreetly walking out of the service for some reason or another). Through a long course of changes in my life and walk with God, He has taught me how to dance and be free in worship. But the first time I consciously had to make the effort to be free and dance was tough. It wasn't the first time I'd ever danced - there had been a time before that when I was anointed and pretty well overtaken by what God was doing (like being slain in the Spirit I guess, but backwards because I was moving.... anyway). But the first time I had to stand up and make myself start dancing was really tough. I over thought it, I wanted to make sure I was doing it right, I was so worried that God (and everyone else) would think I was an idiot. And somehow, 7 years later, its as natural as breathing. God moves, and I move with Him. Its normal.
Its things like this that I am talking about. Dancing, kissing, walking, singing - these things are things we learn how to do. Some of us are better than others at certain things - but we all had to learn how to do what we do. And God rejoices in the process of watching us learn how to do what we do.
There will be things that you learn to do (and have already learned to do) that don't come naturally, but they are things we learn to do, want to do, need to do to have a fulfilling relationship with God. And in the process of learning how to do them, remember that God rejoices in the process and loves on you as you learn how to love on Him.
As I loved on him and he loved on me, I smiled thinking about how precious his childhood was. He didn't know how to sing, how to dance, or how to kiss -- but there he was singing, dancing and kissing his heart out.
God spoke to me and said that we are like my son, and God is our parent. This analogy is used all the time, but it wasn't how we usually think. Today, God pointed out to me how inexperienced we are, how naive, how we don't know how to do things. And God, our Father, thinks our childhood is precious.
I remember learning how to dance when I was 17. I was raised in a church that didn't clap, raise their hands, and NEVER moved into the isle (unless they were discreetly walking out of the service for some reason or another). Through a long course of changes in my life and walk with God, He has taught me how to dance and be free in worship. But the first time I consciously had to make the effort to be free and dance was tough. It wasn't the first time I'd ever danced - there had been a time before that when I was anointed and pretty well overtaken by what God was doing (like being slain in the Spirit I guess, but backwards because I was moving.... anyway). But the first time I had to stand up and make myself start dancing was really tough. I over thought it, I wanted to make sure I was doing it right, I was so worried that God (and everyone else) would think I was an idiot. And somehow, 7 years later, its as natural as breathing. God moves, and I move with Him. Its normal.
Its things like this that I am talking about. Dancing, kissing, walking, singing - these things are things we learn how to do. Some of us are better than others at certain things - but we all had to learn how to do what we do. And God rejoices in the process of watching us learn how to do what we do.
There will be things that you learn to do (and have already learned to do) that don't come naturally, but they are things we learn to do, want to do, need to do to have a fulfilling relationship with God. And in the process of learning how to do them, remember that God rejoices in the process and loves on you as you learn how to love on Him.
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