Past Pain

Every now and then something pops to the surface from deep within and you step back and say "wow. I didn't realize that still hurt so much." Tonight I had one of those instances.

My parents didn't like my choice of a husband and did everything in their influence and power to prevent our marriage down to the day of the wedding. It was a nasty fight for a while which even caused my relationship with my parents to be completely non-existent for a solid 4 months post-wedding. When my brother got married (4 years after Brent and I) to a wonderful woman whom we all love, my parents made a big to-do over giving their blessing to the happy couple. And in the process realized they'd never given their verbal blessing to our marriage and gave it over dinner the night before my brother's rehearsal dinner.

Tonight as I chatted with my sister in law about various things, this rose to the surface, rearing its ugly head as un-resolved hurts. How could they be so mean as to never give us their blessing until they felt bad about it? How could they be that disappointed in someone who makes me so happy? What's the deal with that? And although they've apologized for it taking so long, I still have some healing to do.

Its like this cut that I have on my arm. I bumped into the corner of a desk and scraped a pretty deep little cut into my forearm. Now initially, it hurt and I put a bandage over it to protect myself. Over time it healed up some, but there was a scab on it that (at some point) got ripped off by brushing into something. While the scab needs to come off eventually for the healing to finish, that can really hurt.

Sometimes when God is helping you heal from something, it hurts. Sometimes you don't even realize you haven't finished healing until you have that scab removed and you suddenly hurt again.

And then, after the pain subsides some, theres a scar.

Because lets face it. Just because its not bleeding, and just because the pain is a faint memory down the road of life doesn't mean it didn't happen. You still see that scar from time to time and remember the way you got it and do your best to avoid the situation in future.

For instance, when I was 15 (I'm 24 now) I went surfing with some friends. I hadn't been surfing in this strip of beach before and the undertow (current) was very strong that day. A big gush of wind came and we were swept down the beach and into the pier. Now, at home the piers are big and tall, built on top of huge pillars. Down in the water the pillars are covered with oysters and clams and other shelled creatures. In the midst of trying to get to shore and staying above water and not drowning, my legs were cut to pieces on the shells attached to these pillars. To this day I still have the scars on the backs of my knees.

That was a long time ago. My legs healed up and I went back to life 9 years ago. But today I still remember who I was with, what I was wearing, and where we were.

Just because we are called to forgive those who do wrong against us doesn't mean we are expected to forget what happened. When someone wrongs you, don't hold it over their heads and hate them forever, but be intelligent about it. I think people mis-understand what Jesus meant when he said to turn the other cheek and to pray for those who persecute you. He didn't say to forget that they slapped you. He just says to love them anyway.