While I'm Waiting

Sometimes, I feel like I'm barely able to tread water anymore. I feel like its all I can do to gasp for air between falling back beneath the surface, doing all I can do to stay alive. Its like I can't catch a break, I can't get enough strength mustered up to swim to safety, but I haven't quite given up and decided to die.

Life is entirely this way for me, more times than not. And I am confident that everyone has felt this way at one point or another. Those times that you sit back from circumstances and say "Really, Lord? Are you done yet?" And maybe that's selfish and childish but let's face it, we've all been there.

Maturity is when you come to those points and decide to grit your teeth and walk through it anyway. It is a character defining moment when you step back and look at how badly life stinks and choose to deal with it anyway. If you're like me, I don't always want to be mature. I don't want to muster up the strength to swim back up to the surface and gasp another breath and continue fighting. I'd rather just let go and give up, curl up and feel sorry for myself. There are points that I get angry with God and tell Him to take a hike and to let me be - that I've had enough of His plan and I'll just do things my own way. And then, a few days later, I come back, humbled, and admit I really do need His help to make it through.

The thing is that God doesn't expect us to handle our life without occasionally feeling down and out. He realizes what we're going through, He understands because He's been there personally and has experienced it. And while that may not make you feel any better, it is true. And for me? Its a big deal to know that its okay for me to be mad and frustrated with the process. The process of getting to wherever it is that you're going is guaranteed to be the most difficult process that you will ever face. And if you're pursuing your true calling, its absolutely going to be as tough as it gets.

Take it as encouragement, take it as a wake-up call, whatever you want to call it - its all just truth. If you're having a tough time, then you're heading the right way. Whats the hardest part of heading the right way? Going anyways, knowing you're going to keep getting beat down. That's maturity, and that's following God. He didn't say to pick up your picnic basket and follow Him. A cross is a heavy thing, that's painful to carry, and is downright impossible feeling at times. No one promised this would be skipping through the flower fields, but somehow we've all got it in our heads that things shouldn't be so hard. We're fighting a whole myriad of things - evil forces, ourselves, other people, bloodlines, etc etc etc, and those are all going to just make it harder.

I guess what I'm saying is that God knows its hard, but He picked the right person for the job and you absolutely have the ability and potential to fulfill your calling, no matter how hard it is while you're waiting to finish line.