Every so often, I have what I call a train track jump. This analogy was given me by Craig Cooper (our apostle) in a prophecy. Basically it means something is moving or breaking in the spiritual and my prophetic sense feels it, but my natural mind hasn't caught up yet. Tonight I had such a jump. As I looked through the church weekly email, I read the blog that Jori (a dear friend) wrote about why bad things happen and got majorly hung up on her statement that "God doesn't owe us" any answers. (which I am taking grossly out of context).
On the one hand, the side I know to be majorly religious and the way I was raised agrees. I know man is undeserving and sinful and truly bad, God being all holy and all knowing doesn't have to do or explain anything to us, as we are the creation and He is Creator. On the more liberal, freedom breathing side I hear myself screaming that God chose us to be coheirs and by that very act agreed to treat us like Christ and so we should have the right to know His reasons. And somewhere deep inside I realize that this isnt really about knowing why some unborn children die, but it is more about trusting God to love me enough to say I am good enough for Him to give His reasons to and I am good enough for Him to want to answer my questions.
So.
I know that as a fact but there is a hiccup in my spirit that conflicts with other parts of me. My spirit states with confidence that I am chosen, I am different, I am special. My soul contradicts that I am not the favorite, I am no one interesting, that I am a waste of time (all pains I carry from childhood). When I write it all down i know that my spirit is right but doubts linger. Am I really special enough to be gifted? Am I really different enough to change lives?
The answer is obviously yes, I have the capacities to be special and gifted but the reason most people never fufil their destiny as different and special is that they cant get past their own daddy issues to realize that God does trust us with His plan, we can change the world and yes we are special enough to be different.
I agree, we are absolutely special to God. We are not just a charity case that God decided to take on because he had nothing better to do. Yes we are sinners, yes we needed to be saved. But I think one reason God choose to save us was because he knows we can do great things for him. We have the advantage of being damaged and broken and sinful ourselves, therefore making us able to talk to and understand the others around us who are broken, damaged and sinful. We are his vessels, he choose us to bring others to him. Another thing that I love is that we are all individuals and we all have different gifts, both spiritual and other. This alone proves to me that we aren't just God's "charity case" but that he actually loves and respects us enough to let us in on the plans he has and the plans he wants us to help carry out.
ReplyDeleteYes, sometimes it is extremely hard to understand painful things that happen. But we all absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt have the right to ask why and to expect some form of answer.